I have always called my mom on mother’s day. Always. And I’ve always dreaded it for weeks, nay months, ahead of time.
Mother’s day is painful for me, so painful it’s physically distressing, often resulting in stomach cramps and nausea. How do you celebrate someone’s motherhood when you, as their daughter, feel chronically abandoned, assaulted, ignored, used? How do I give her motherhood credit when she’s caused me so much agony? Most of those balmy May days I want to crawl in a damp hole and come back out when it’s all over.
This year I’m wondering what will happen if I just don’t call. You know the ‘ole, “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”? With each day I’m becoming less willing to pretend it’s all okay. Because it’s not okay, it never was, and I think I’m finally willing to admit it.
But can I live with the guilt? It’s Mother’s Day afterall. What would you do?